Wordplay jokes
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs, at your front door?
Matt.
Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family because there is no "f" in orphan.
What do you call an epileptic kid?
Little Seizures.
What sea creature can add up? A octoplus.
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
Did you know that "girlfriend" at the end, it starts with "end." So does "boyfriend," and "friend" have "end" at the end of it, but "family" at the end it "ily" I love you.
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I'm dressing.
Racecar backwards is racecar, but racecar sideways is how Paul Walker died.
What's a suicidal person's favorite game?
Hangman.
What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.
This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.
What Did Iran Say To Oman?
"Oh man, I ran out of ideas!"
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.
You can't be short and depressed because you are compressed.
Do you guys know how to make a hoe in Minecraft?
You pick it up off the street.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?
Hippo-POT-amus!
Why did the 18-year-old girl need a ladder to go to school?
Because it was High School.
What would you name a mummified squirrel?
Perhaps... Mumford?
What do you call a pig who does karate?
Pork chop!
Q. What kind of school does an ice cream man go to?
A. Sunday school!
Psst! Don't understand? Well, "Sunday" sounds like "Sundae." Get it now? Nope? Sorry. Plus, it's an ice cream homophone joke.