Wont jokes

Why do orphans get confused about ancient Egypt? Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.

What's the difference between a baby and a ball?

If you inflate the ball, it won't explode.

I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider trans men as men, which is rather confusing to me.

As a Jew, I don’t know very much about Christianity, but from what I’ve heard, don’t priests love little boys?

You are so skinny that they won't let you ride a fucking roller coaster because you flew before.

COVID-19 won't last long... it's made in China.

This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"

The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.

Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...

What do you call it when a chameleon won't change colors?

A reptile dysfunction.

Why can't orphans ride a bike?

'Cause their parents won't follow them.

My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.

My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.

Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".

Don't criticize someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. So, when you criticize them, they won't be able to hear you from that far away. Plus, you'll have their shoes.

I'm gonna jump to my death.

Don't worry. I won't jump far.

Just off this chair here...

Superman was bored and wanted to go out. He called all his super friends, but they were all busy. He even calls Louis, but it's her time of the month.

He flies to the liquor store and buys some beer and gets drunk. As he is flying, he sees Wonder Woman naked on top of the roof. He starts thinking, "I will fly down and have sex with her sooooo fast," BURP, "that she won't know what happened," HICKUP.

He flies to her faster than the speed of light, BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG, and flies away with a smile. He passes out and crashed into a wall.

Wonder Woman jumps up and screams, "WHAT WAS THAT?"

The Invisible Man appears, holding his butt, and he gets off on Wonder Woman and says, "I don't know, but my butt hurts real bad."

If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.

Elephants never forget.

My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't matter, he won't come anyway.

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

TFW you're having sex with your German girlfriend and she won't stop telling you her age.

If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.