Back
Women

Women jokes

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.

What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, β€œAre there any girls here?”

The bartender says, β€œNo, only women.”

The man then leaves.

Today I was asked to go out by 17 women. Well, I was in the women's bathroom. πŸ’€

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.

He said the ATM outside.

Women: β€œMen used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”

Men: β€œWomen used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

Why are gay men better than straight women?

Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.