Back
Women

Women jokes

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.

What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.

What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?”

The bartender says, “No, only women.”

The man then leaves.

Today I was asked to go out by 17 women. Well, I was in the women's bathroom. 💀

Why are women so bad at parking?

Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.

He said the ATM outside.

Women: “Men used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”

Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”