Women jokes
What do you think fish tasted like before women started swimming?
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.
"Just ditched a woman. Feelin' good!" -Techno
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.
Why do women have two sets of lips?
I kiss both.
Girls: 🙏 *Period* ✍️💅
Men: 🗿 *Growth* 🗿🗿🗿
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?”
The bartender says, “No, only women.”
The man then leaves.
Today I was asked to go out by 17 women. Well, I was in the women's bathroom. 💀
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked.
Now it’s $3.99.
Women: “Men used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”
Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”
Muslim religion is just pregnant women saying "Allahu Akbar" and exploding a bus.