Women

Women jokes

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Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”

George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”

Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”

"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"

"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."

Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

Why is it that skinny men love fat women?

Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.

Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.