What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?” The bartender says, “No, only women.” The man then leaves.
Today I was asked to go out by 17 women. Well, I was in the women's bathroom. 💀
Why are women so bad at parking?
Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.
Why don't women parachute naked?
That annoying whistling sound on the way down.
I asked the gym trainer what type of machine I should use to get the best looking women.
He said the ATM outside.
I have a lot of respect for trans women.
That surgery takes balls!
Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked
now it’s $3.99
Women: “Men used to go to war, now they go to clubs.”
Men: “Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked, now it’s $3.99.”
Muslim religion is just pregnant women saying "Allahu Akbar" and exploding a bus.
If all women disappeared one day, it would be a pain in the ass.
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
97 percent of women...
Why are gay men better than straight women?
Because gay men are more willing to look after kids once they swallow them.
Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.
How does Hellen Keller meet men?
She goes on blind dates.
An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
Men should pay for the first date, that’s why it’s called a (men)u
Then women should do the dishes, that’s why they call it a dish wash(her)
