Women jokes

Boobs are like friends: you have big ones, small ones, real ones, fake ones, but they all get taken out by cancer.

Why does OSHA require women to wear panties?

Because every manhole needs a cover.

I like my women how I like my scotch: 11 years old and mixed with Coke.

There are 4 billion women on earth. Why isn't it clean yet?

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship.

Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says, "Screw the women and children." Joe Biden says, "Do we have that much time?"

What's the difference between women and men?

Men have rights.

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship.

As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!”

George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!”

Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?”

"Dude, can you believe Republicans are opposed to homosexuality, women's rights, and immigration, yet they are silent when it comes to incest and child molestation?"

"Well, I'm not surprised. Republicans have to win the Alabama vote, or else."

Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

I like my wine like my women:

16 and in my basement.

What do you call a crowd of horny white women?

Cotton waiting to be picked.

What’s one thing women need to know nowadays?

Their place.

Why is it that skinny men love fat women?

Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.

How do you know Adam and Eve were white?

Have you ever tried taking a rib from black women?

Why do women hate having sex with midgets?

Because of their shortcomings.

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

What do you think fish tasted like before women started swimming?

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.