Woman jokes

A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.

A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.

"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"

"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.

"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"

"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.

"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."

I like my women like I like my chocolate.

Edible.

I like my women like I like my coffee: nice, fresh, and dead.

The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"

"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.

The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."

Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"

I like my women like I like my coffee.

Without other people's dicks in it.

How many genders are there?

One, women are property.

Why are all women's feet small? So they can stand closer to the stove.

I like my women how I like my cigars: 7 years old and coming from Cuban in a burlap sack.

When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.

What happens when an angel and nun "have some fun and forget pills"?

The nun gets pregNUNt.

You know, when women clean their nails with chemicals, no one cares, but when Hitler tries to clean Poland with chemicals, everyone goes crazy.

Men play video games to let their inner child out, while women do abortions.

Women have ass and tits... but men have dick and rights.

Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.

The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.

What do you get when you cross A-Rod with Chris Brown?

Cheater, cheater, woman beater!

What do you call a woman covered in mud? A dirty dishwasher.

What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.

Why don’t women wear mini skirts in the winter?

Because they’ll get chapped lips.

I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.

Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.

You can't drink alcohol or dance.

Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.