Woman jokes

What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?

Womxn

I used to be a man in a woman’s body. And then I was born.

What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?

Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

What do you call women's rights: A blank sheet of paper.

Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?

I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.

I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.

Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.

Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.

All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.

The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"

The man said, "My wife does!"

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.

Why did a woman believe she was a target? She had a price tag without any value to it.

A woman walks into a bar and says, "Ow!"

If there was a zombie apocalypse, girls would make a "forehead apocalypse" since it is so big.

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

I hope death is a woman That way she'll never look at me twice

Wilt Chamberlain may have spread his seed among many women, but Kobe spread his brain matter all over California.

Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.

Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.