Will jokes

So, I walked into the kitchen and saw my mom had made cookies. I stole one, not noticing my mom was behind me.

So my mom said, "Put the cookie back, kid!" and I said I wasn't gonna eat it. Then she said, "Never mind, I'll get your father." So my mom said, "Honey, deal with your son; I'm going to the mall!" And my dad said, "Son, if you're not allowed to have a cookie before dinner!"

So he went into his room, and I heard the belt, and I was going to run, but I knew it would be worse. So he said, "This will be your punishment." As he was getting ready to hit me, I said, "Daddy, no, please, I wasn't gonna eat it!" But he said, "No, you won't change my mind, little boy!" Then he hit me. Thank you for reading! Stay healthy and stay safe in this time. Bye!!! Read more of my jokes; they'll probably be around the website!!

Why do orphans go to church?

So at least they will have someone to call father.

What is a Russian joke?

Something that will be funny for Russian people.

An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.

The man says, "Will you move your dog?"

The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.

The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"

I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”

I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."

You will never have a girlfriend.

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will let it go.

If Trump colored his hair green and wore an orange shirt and pants, I will call him a carrot.

You don't need brains to be a Boss.

When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.

Five people went to a store and asked for a menu. The waitress said, "I will be right back."

What kind of star will come out in the daytime?

A starfish! 🐟🐠🐡🦐🦞🦀🦑🐙🦂

How to tell your kid is adopted? Hi Daisy, let's play a game called "You're adopted!" I will start: Your mum died so I had to adopt you, but don't think I love you because you were the only kid there, haha!

If you believe in Allah, you will go straight to heaven, Mashallah! 😍

If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?

Error code 404. "Will to live" not found.

Smileandtalk.exe has stopped working.

I've looked everywhere... I just can't seem to find where I left my will to live.

Advertisement: "What's in your wallet?"

Me: "The same amount of money as there is my will to live... ;_)"

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a few hours.

Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

Papyrus: I hate you, Frisk.

Frisk: This is why Mettaton doesn't fucking love you.

Sans: Kid, I will kill you.

Papyrus: (Remembers something) That's why you don't have a lover, you lonely giraffe!