Why jokes
The only hood I like is pointy and white.
That's why I can't trust people when I don't see their face at night.
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Why does everyone think Stephen Hawking is drunk?
Because he can't even walk.
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?
They get to walk themselves down the aisle.
Why didn't the butcher cut the fillet?
Because it was a misteak.
Why can’t dinosaurs cross the road?
Because they’re dead.
Trump: Caillou, can you please stop whining? That squirrel didn’t just eat our pizza, he also ditched your dad, and he’s your stepdad now.
Caillou: Why I’m bald, Trumpy?
Trump: I don’t know, but what I do know is that you’re a massive shit stain.
Why is it so easy to weigh fish?
They have their own scales.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Why do gay men and lesbians believe that bisexual men don't exist because there is no such thing as male bisexuality?
Because it doesn't cycle 🚲.
Why do apple trees like emo kids?
Because they like to play yoyo with them.
Why did Michael Jackson run?
Because he lost his glove.
Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.
Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!
My mom gave me a golden shovel and a hoe. I said, "Why do I need this?" She said, "That you every year."
Why can't homosexuals get car insurance?
They've been rear-ended too many times.