Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"
Me: Have you ever went sky diving?
Friend: No.
Me: Well don't, it sucks.
Friend: Why?
Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.
Why are the twin towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plain.
Why are so many Americans stupid? Because they shoot the ones that go to school.
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?
Because they are aimed at a younger audience.
Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.
Abner’s wife was laying on her death bed. She suddenly used all her strength to sit up and say to her husband, “I must tell you something, or my soul will never know peace. I have been unfaithful to you, Abner. In this very house, not one month ago.”
“Hush, dear,” soothed Abner. “I know all about it. Why else have I poisoned you?”
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
Why do Republican men hate transgender people?
Because they lost a dick-measuring contest to a ladyboy in Thailand!