Why Jokes

Why can’t dinosaurs clap?

Because they're dead.

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

Why does the heart listen to music a lot?

Because it loves feeling the beat.

Why did the bee get married?

Because she found her honey.

Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?

Because they like to EAT FLESH.

A screenshot of a text message conversation. The first message reads, "Why you using tinder?" The second message reads, "My boyfriend died last year so I'm just trying to get back in the dating scene really :)" The third message reads, "Damn thats sad." The fourth message reads, "On our first date we should use a ouija board to get his permission to smash." The final message reads, "What the fuck is wrong with you."

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because he forgot to plug in the charger.

Why did the skeleton not go to the ball? Because he had no body to go with.

Why are Captain from SpongeBob and Michael Jackson so similar?

They both say, "Are you ready, kids?"

Why can’t Michael Jackson win a race?

Because he’s always coming in a lil’ behind.

Joke 1# "Knock, knock." Who's there? "Pastur." Pastur who? "Past ur bedtime."

Joke 2# Why does a slug always win a race? Because its components always stop for a break.

Joke 3# Your momma's so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number."

Why did Sarah fall off a skyscraper?

Because she made her dad mad.

Why did the guitarist go to prison?

'Cause he fingered A minor.

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."

The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.

"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"

Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.

He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"

They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"