Whos jokes

One dark stormy night when I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee. Half asleep, I walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door, I felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically, and the ghostly sound stopped. Terrified, I did what I had to and went back to bed.

The next 3 nights, the same thing happened, and finally, I decided I had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up, I went into my parents' room and woke my mom up and said, "You have to come with me and see this, it's really important." Half asleep, she murmured, "Oh, what is it? Can't it wait until the morning?" I pleaded, "No, you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost. When I go in the middle of the night, I can hear a ghost sound. Then when I open the door, I feel the cold as it swoops through me, and the light comes on automatically." She yawned and said, "Oh, so that's who's been peeing in the refrigerator."

What do you call a hillbilly girl who's faster than her brothers?

A redneck virgin.

Did you hear about the four foot tall psychic who escaped prison?

He's a small medium at large.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting Cow.

Interrupting Co- MOO!

If Joe Biden and Kamala Harris jump off a cliff, who survives?

Americans...

A man who drinks a lot is told by his wife that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him.

Later, the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no,' he says to his friend, 'if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Don't worry,' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no,' the man says, producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'What's the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'

What is Michael Jackson's favorite movie?

The Boy in the Plastic Bubble? Why? The boy who was in the bubble.

Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?

Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.

I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."

Did you hear about the guy who was arrested for stealing luggage? Unfortunately, he lost his case.

Sparkling water was invented by Germans. Who else would add gas?

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?

They are more open-minded.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

Me: Knock knock. Bestie: Who's there? Me: Ben. Bestie: Ben Dover? Me: No, Ben vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx. Bestie: Omg how did I forget, hi vuyictrbjovtfcybugxrrx!

Who hates going to a pizza party?

A weirdough.

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not your parents.