When jokes

When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"

Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

What did the toilet paper say when he got stuck in a crack on the side walk?

"I got stuck in a butt crack!"

What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?

One does not crow when you put it in an oven.

What time is it when you get home, can walk walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home from school and walk walk home?

🏡 night time and I can drive to the car tomorrow night.

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.

My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."

My face when “Free Palestine” wasn’t a sales deal.

What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

What happens when a Jewish guy walks into a wall with a full erection?

He breaks his nose.

I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.

Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.

POV: When the orphan kid goes to church and they have to swear on something.

The kid: "I swear on my... friends. Oh wait, I don't have any."

Yo mama so dumb, when the doctor told her she had coronavirus, she bought a new laptop.

Bully: Shut up.

Me: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.

What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?

I cried when I cut up the onions.

Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?

Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.

Yo mama's so fat, when she sat down there was a big earthquake.

In a deep village in Germany, an old man asked his granddaughter, "What are you doing?"

His granddaughter replies, "Removing Polish with chemicals."

Grandpa said, "When I was young, I did the same."