When jokes
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!
I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
What do you get when you cross jokes and cum?
CUMedy.
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
A child with cancer: "I want to be like you when I grow up." Doctor: "Oh, you're not going to grow up."
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
A: Blue cheese.
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.