When jokes
Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!
I like when people say they hate me because we have something in common. <3
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.
Memes
When your teacher says to write a summary of the book you read
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(
How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(
How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
A: Blue cheese.
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏
I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.
Yo momma is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.