When jokes
Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."
I was gobsmacked when I encountered the Jacko special at a Bunnings sausage sizzle. A 40-year-old sausage on 7-year-old white bread.
Where did the cat go when it lost its tail? -- To the retail store!
How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
Memes
When the teacher says get out of class
How you feel when you slit yourself once: :(
How you feel when you slit yourself more than once: <:(
How you feel when you slit yourself everyday: *dead inside*
What do TVs and girls have in common?
They both show you stuff when you turn them on!
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
A: Blue cheese.
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.
The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.
The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"
The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"
Yo momma is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.
Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."
What do you get when you cross a panhandler, a politician, a lobbyist, a prostitute, a sodomite, and a Jehovah's Witness knocking on your door at your house to convert you to their religion?