When jokes
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
A man is at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A few years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
We almost drowned when we went out boating, but I got a watermelon to keep me floating.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
When you see a deer, what do you say?
"Oh deer!"
What do you do when life gives you lemons? Slit your wrist and give a lemon a twist. 🙂💊💉
What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
When I get naked in the bathroom... the shower usually gets turned on!
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
Why did the cowboy die with his boots on??
He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked da bucket 😂🤣👌🏻👌🏻.. knee slapper
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
-"I want my quarterback."
What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?
"Get off me, homes!"
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
- Mommy, what will I be when I'm grown up?
- Shut up, Sam, you've got cancer!