When jokes

Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?

Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.

My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.

So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"

I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"

My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.

Yo momma is so fat, when she tried to hang herself, the noose broke.

Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?

Reload and keep shooting.

Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.

You're so brilliant and bright that the Sun wears sunglasses when you're near!

I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.

What was the weather forecast when the planes hit the World Trade Center? Partly cloudy with scattered passengers!

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

The north and south towers got into an argument.

The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."

I have a riddle for you:

10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.

Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”

Once he eats it, he starts crying.

Why?

Your hairline goes so far back it went back to when Earth was created.

What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? (Dam!)

Yes, sir.

Four big guys and they grab on my thighs. Blow up my guts like the 4th of July. If they keep fuckin' my butt then I might just cry. Poop and semen sprayin' on my eyes.

He lick my dick and the cum start sprayin'. Charging up my dick I'ma go super saiyan. When he cum the fuckin' booty I don't do much playing. Then I whispered in his ear, like hey are you stayin'? He said yeah I'm not leavin'.

I guess he George Floyd, cause always leavin'. Not breathin' he chew on my dick like a baby. That's teathin' I'm fuckin' a nigga I think it's named Steven. Hawkin' f*ck him 'til he ain't walkin', dick stone-cold call him BBC. Austin It's a booty massacre when I visit him in Boston. Bought him new titties I don't care what they costin'.

Bitch, hop on the dick do a split. Shout out Lil Baby. My dick is as real as it gets, I'm not fuckin' on him if he don't have tits. I'm catchin' his balls like my name Kyle Bitz.

There's four Big guys, they're grabin' on my thighs. They blow my guts like the 4th of July. If he keep fuckin' my butt then I might cry. There's poop and semen sprayin' on my eyes.

Yes sir, that is a fact tho, take out my dick slip it in his asshole. Swinging my dick through the air like a lasso. Painted his face like Apollo Pocasso (ugh). But I'm not a very good artist, f*ck 'em all good 'til that. Nigga farted planted my seeds in his ass like a garden. The way I play with balls, you should call me James Harden.

Yeah, DigBar is elite, there's four big guys and I'm takin' their meat. I eat the boy's butt, Then I chase him with skeet. And I charge for booty, I promise DigBar Isn't cheap. And I count dudes when I sleep, not sheep, get up in my sheets. And I'm beatin' on my meat.

Bitch. We got four big guys and they grab on my thighs. And they gon' bust on my eyes.

Weed: *gets hit by his own power*

Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?

Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

Yo mama so fat that when she went in the ocean, Spain claimed her for new land.

Yo mama is so fat, when she nocliped into the backrooms, she was in level 0 and level 999 at the same time.