When jokes
What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?
"It is ok, I forgive you."
What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
Yo mama's so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out of the way.
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.
Mr. and Mrs. Potato were walking down the street when a french fry caught the attention of Mr. Potato.
Mrs. Potato said: "I see you eye-balling that French girl!"
When the emo kid hangs himself and the autistic kid thinks that it's a piñata... BATTER UP TO THE PLATE!
Yo mama is so ugly, when there was a tornado, the tornado refused to suck her up.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
Yo mama is so fat, when she took a walk, she made an earthquake!
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
What did the explorer say when he got tired?
I'm gonna take a map.
When this guy fell off a cliff, he got an A+ for egg-cellence!
What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?
I don't know. I suffocated at birth.
Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.
What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?
"I'd hit that."
What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?
The Las Vegas shooting.
A blonde went to an HIV test. When she came back, she said, “The doctors say that I’m all positive!”
When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, "You use way too much technology!" Jim then said, "No, YOU use too much technology!" and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.