When jokes
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.
He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.
When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.
It happened too fast, he watched the very last.
Next he died, eaten all fried.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What happens when a clock is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
A pair of souls were floating up to heaven when they passed a pair of eagles.
"Ah, eagles," said the souls. The eagles were too polite to say anything.
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
When it comes to recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
When Stephen Hawking is ill 🤮, do you take him to Curry's PC World or the doctors? 😂😂😂😂
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
What does a clock do when he's still hungry?
He goes back "four" seconds!
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
A guy walks into the house carrying a sheep and says out loud, "This is the pig I screw when you're on the rag."
His wife replies, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep."
He says, "I was talking to the sheep."