When jokes
What do you get when an American talks to an Aussie and a Kiwi?
Two Aussie.
Q: What did Tim say when his girlfriend fell down a rabbit hole?
A: Hole-y shit!
What did Allah say when he created the universe?
-Allahu akbar!!!
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a PC?
When my PC crashes, I actually give a fuck.
What did the cheetah tell the other cheetah when they had a test?
"Cheetah, cheetah!"
Why are babies called bundles of joy?
When you break the bundle, it gives you joy.
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?
A bolder choice.
You know, when women clean their nails with chemicals, no one cares, but when Hitler tries to clean Poland with chemicals, everyone goes crazy.
“What happens to an Asian man when he runs into a brick wall with an erection?”
“A broken nose.”
"What happens when an Asian man runs into a brick wall?"
"A broken nose."
What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?
"Want me to pack your shit?"
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
Q: Why don't pedophiles win races?
A: Because they like to come in a little behind.
What's long and can never wait for more for the ladies' action and likes when it gets harder...
Your penis!
What's red, 6 inches long, and makes my girlfriend cry when I feed it to her?
Her miscarriage.
Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?
Really?
Well, the one I fucked did.
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.