When jokes
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Glock, glock.
The people in Florida yelling "White Power!" is amusing, because when they get permanent sunburn from the Florida sun, they are not white anymore.
Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?
Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.
How did the Emo kid bag all the cheerleaders?
He hit them all when he started shooting his shot.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."
Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? - Everywhere.
What's the difference between a Palestinian and a redneck?
At least the redneck was drunk when he married his cousin.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.
Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.
So I don’t get pepper sprayed.
Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.
What does it mean when a man has a dodgy past? It means he has skeletons in his closet.
What does it mean when a man likes Lana Del Rey better than Ed Sheeran? It means he has a closet full of women's leather pants (but no women in their dating history).
It's illegal to go onto someone's property, demand money that they might not have while wearing all black, and threaten horrible things if they don't pay.
But when the IRS does it, it's perfectly fine. HMMMMM . . .
What did the cops say when someone called him racist?
"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."
What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?
Throw them some laundry.
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it told her "I wanted your weight not your phone number."
My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."