When jokes
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!
Yo Mama so fat that when she took a photo of herself to get it printed out, it took 15 years to finish!
What do you get when you add 5 + 2 + 3 + 2 + 200 + 10?
Completely confuse you!
Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy and sent only 10 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
What do kids play when they can't play with a phone?
Bored games.
I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.
Fat people should expect big things when they take their shirt off.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged!
Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?
A) Robert Drowney Jr.
Bully: Agh, you're ugly!
Me: Said your mom when you were born.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎
When I was little, I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people...until I turned 7. I realized that it was just people doing voices. Sad, isn't it?
When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.
What did the orphan's mom say to him when he got into trouble?
Nothing, because he doesn't know his parents...
I saw a beautiful homeless girl and asked if I could take her out on a date. She politely accepted and enjoyed herself. Soon after, I asked if I could take her home, she smiled and nodded her head. Her smile disappeared when she saw me running away with her cardboard box.
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
My sister said download "Among Us" on my iPad, so I did. Then she taught me to play. Then she told me a code and told me where to put it, and I typed in the code.
Then she was the imposter, and I was a crewmate, so I was sticking with her, and she killed me when we made it to the medbay.
When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?
Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.