When jokes
Everyone becomes happy when they complete the last stage of the game.
But the cancer patients aren't.
It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, and you listen closely, you can hear the chair screaming.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
What did President Ford say when he met Betty?
"I am Gerald Ford and you’re hot."
What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?
Air quality alert code brown!
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
What does a ginger do when they want to high five a friend? They clap.
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.
When Mother Teresa went to heaven, she was greeted by Saint Peter with a halo for her dedication to the needy. After walking around for a while, she saw Lady Diana with a bigger halo. She got angry at Lady Diana and went to Saint Peter and asked him why she had a bigger one, and Saint Peter said, "Oh, that’s not a halo, that’s a steering wheel."
An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
What's the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.
WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!
That feeling when elbow surgery was yesterday.
What does a Jewish man say when he sees a caricature of his face?
"We need to circumcise that one."
Falco: Dreaming of a day when I don’t hear people say I’m a knockoff Fox, knockoff Fox.
Fox: Dreaming of a day when you die in a fire and I get all your aerial skills.
Falco: Wat...
An Indian has a seat between two Pakistani's on board an airplane.
It's quite obvious to each of the three men where they are from. The Indian asks, "Pardon me gentleman, you wouldn't mind me sitting between you, do you? This is my seat, after all."
The Pakistanis look at each other, and then look back at him. One of them smiles and says, "Not at all! After all, Pakistanis and Indians are brothers! Are we not?"
The Indian is delighted at how warm and friendly they are, and he takes his seat. Shortly the plane takes off and the three guys are just chilling until the Indian says, "You know it's going to be a long ride and I am getting thirsty. Brothers, can I get any of you like a drink?" Then one of them says, "Yes brother, I would like a Coke!"
The Indian slips off his shoes and walks barefoot to where the stewardess is at, and when the Indian is out of view, one of the Pakistanis spits into his shoe. The Indian comes back and gives him a Coke.
Then the other Pakistani says, "You know what brother? I would also like a Coke too!" The Indian happily obliges, and as soon as he is out of view, he also spits in his shoe before the Indian gives him a Coke.
Finally, the Indian slips on his shoes and suddenly realizes how wet they are. He shakes his head and says, "Brothers! Why must we do this to each other, spitting in each other's shoes and peeing in each other's Cokes?"
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?
They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.