When jokes
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?
They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.
What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?
My dick.
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"
What do you call it when school starts in Africa?
Black to school.
Do you remember blowing bubbles when you were younger?
Well, Bubbles is back in town and was asking about you!
What do you call it when a white person beats a black person?
A KKKO.
What does an Asian say when his car tires burst on the highway?
"Some Ting Wheely Wong!"
My friend was in a crash, so when he got put in a wheelchair, people bullied him, so I told him to stand up for himself.
When a mute girl gives a hand job, is it oral?
What do spiders and Black people have in common?
When they’re black, they kill you.
A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."
He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."
He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."
He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
What's the difference between a salad and a baby? People don't usually scream when you shake around a salad.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
What'd the farmer say when a coyote killed and ate his rooster?
"No, you ate my cock!"
What did the farmer say when he saw his chicken cross the road?
"No, my cock!"
What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't scream when you put meat inside it.
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.