Whats jokes
What do you call a swearing piece of shit?
Cus-turd.
Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."
What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?
"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
What do you call a rapper who's also a scientist?
RHYME-STEIN.
What do you call a booty that can do magic?
A butt trick!
What do you call a peso?
A wetback greenback.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?
Memorial Day.
Why?
Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.
What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?
Your camera.
What is the difference between onions and my dead grandma?
I cried when I cut up the onions.
What is worse than seeing your sibling drown?
Getting the water bill.
What do you call a terrorist in a bath?
A bath bomb.
What’s the worst thing about having a wife with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.
What disease do you get from shoving a dirty, rusty piece of metal up your ass? Tetanus.
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀
Yo mama so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."
What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?
Party crashers.