Whats jokes

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.

There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.

A guy tells his pal, "My wife is expecting. We're going to the clinic to see if it's a girl or a boy."

"Congrats, man. What are you gonna name it if it's a boy?"

"We're going with Trevor."

"Ok, what if it's a girl?"

"Then we'll have an abortion."

What is the best part of twenty-one year olds?

There's twenty of them.

What's the difference between America and a flash drive?

One is USA and the other is USB! 😂😂😂

What's the best way to get a man to confess to a rape?

Ask him to tell a rape joke.

What do you call a Roman with a pubic hair in his teeth?

Glad He Ate Her.

What do you call that useless piece of skin that goes all the way around a pussy?

A woman!

The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”

He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”

Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.

Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?

Class: A cow says, "moo moo."

Teacher: Good.

Teacher: What does a sheep make?

Class: A sheep says, "baa baaa."

Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?

Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall you black mother fucke*!"

What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?

The dentist!

What do you call an animal with 3 eyes, 2 mouths, 6 noses, and 4 ears?

What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?

My dick while I'm doing it.

What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?

Robetoe.

What do you get when you cross a priest with a toilet?

Holy shit.

What's red and white and lives in a blender?

A baby.

You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?

You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.

What's red, green, and smells like shit?

... Red and green shit.

What is the name of the bear capital?

Koala Lumpur.