Whats jokes
What do you call a gender neutral person who is lactose intolerant non-bi dairy?
What do a Rubik's Cube and a dick have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.
What do you call a rude math teacher with a lisp?
A mathive dick.
What do you call a black couple who's on welfare and food stamps?
Lay-Z and Freeyonce.
What's the difference between a female NCO and a zebra?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
What happens after you eat at a combination Chinese-German restaurant?
An hour later, you're hungry—for power!
What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?
Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.
What's Elizabeth Warren's nickname?
Pocahontas
What do you call an Irish lesbian?
A Gaelic.
What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White Vans.
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable?
Getting them back in the wheelchair.
What did the Indian say when the pizza was delivered to him?
"Hey! Who puked on the frybread?"
What do you call a kid with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
What was the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
What's one way to drain someone's ego?
Hand them a mirror, and say they should see how ugly they turned out in life.
So, a mom and a dad take their son to a therapist.
“What seems to be the problem?” the therapist asked.
“Our son thinks he’s a refrigerator!” they said.
So the therapist replies, “Oh dear, that must be a problem.”
“Yeah, he sleeps with his mouth open, and the light is really bright.”
One night a guy asked his wife where she wanted to eat. She said, "Chinese food," so he flew her to China. The next night, he asked her what she wanted to eat. She said, "Indian food," so he flew her to India. The last night, he said, "What do you want to eat?" and she said she wanted nothing, so he flew her to Africa.
Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.
Karen walks into McDonald's.
Lady at the counter: HI what can I get for you today??
Karen: I want 1 SMALL FRIES PLEASE AND MAKE IT SNAPPY LITTLE NOODLE!
Lady at the counter: yes miss.
Karen: I WILL NOW INSPECT THIS.
Lady at the counter: *sweats*
Karen: THIS IS NOT SALTY ENOUGHT! GET ME THE MANAGER KNOW, SKINY NOODLE!