Whats jokes

What's the difference between an ISIS militant base and a Pakistani children's school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

"Ho, ho, ho, what do you want for Christmas, little boy? Longer than two months to live."

What the hell is this website? Do you all think these jokes are funny?

The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.

Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Ki­li, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.

Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."

"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.

"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."

The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"

The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"

Roses are red, the sky is blue, what do you do? Oh, never mind, I'm not homo like you.

What do you call a bus full of kids? A killstreak.

What's gassy and as cold as ice? Uranus.

What planets do Astronauts like to pee on?

Uranus!

(Say this out loud and it will make more sense.)

What did the poop say to the toilet paper? “You’re on a roll!”

What did Sally get for her 18th birthday? A brick.

Why did she get a brick? She hit 18.

What did one condom say to the other condom as they were passing a gay bar? "Let's go get shit faced!"

What is a rabbit's favorite type of jewelry?

Carats.

What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?

Beets stain your teeth.

What is a cow's favorite water sport?

Ca-MOO-ing!

If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay?

Bagels.

What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.

What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.

What's a cat's favorite color? Purr-ple.

What do you say to a magician with autism?

Are you "Autism-ic?"

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. Their names were Johony and Papa.

All of the sudden, Johony passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, what's your emergency?” The hunter replies “My son just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”