Whats jokes

What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?

Beef strokin' off.

What mountain do people like to race on?

Mount Rushmore.

Get it?

What did the pencil say to the piece of paper? You FLAT.

What did the spoon say to the pancake batter? You THICK.

What's the definition of rude?

Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot Wheels.

What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.

What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.

What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.

Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?

A: Lazy bones.

What is the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

There's nothing else that can beat up dog.

What's up, dog?

Just my depression!

What is yellow and can’t swim?

A school bus full of children.

Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"

Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Disabled.

One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"

Yo, three kids play hide-and-go-seek. Their names are Trouble, Manners, and Shut Up.

Shut Up hit the police station, Manners hit the trashcan. Trouble is the seeker. When they go and hide and all that shit, the policeman comes up to Shut Up and goes, "Hey kid, what's your name?"

Well, Shut Up looks at him and goes, "Shut Up."

Policeman says, "Excuse me, kid, where's your manners at?"

Shut Up goes, "Oh, Manners? In the trash."

Policeman goes, "Oh, Manners in the trash? And then policeman goes, "Hey kid, are you looking for Trouble?"

Then Shut Up goes and says, "No, Trouble's looking for me."

Q: What did I find on my son's search history?

A: Where is the nearest gun shop?

What's the difference between a bear with a gun and an American man with a gun?

The bear has common sense not to fire it.

What country did Indians invent?

Curry-a.

One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!

What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?

Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.