Whats jokes
What is an emoticon's favorite dessert?
An emochi. (search up mochi)
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
What did the hecadrocophodecadus say to the hopetihopetifuckendecker?
"It didn't happen, but it should have."
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
What's one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?
“Hang in there!”
What do the mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you ain't already told her twice.
Rape, 9/11, abortion, orphan, murder, dead, kill, drugs.
Am I funny now? Because this is what you brainlets find funny.
What kind of bull doesn’t have horns?
A bullfrog!
What is the difference between cum and milk? Nothing. They are both white and tasty.
What will Donald Trump build in our devices?
A firewall.
What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph, because he's not a full essay.
Q: What does a special ed student do when he wants to buy his first car?
A: Makes a Down payment.
What is the cherry's favorite cartoon?
"Tom and Jerry!"
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid sitting on his lap?
"Just beat it."
What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter, it's not coming anyways.
Boss: Can I do a reference check?
Me: I don’t have a...
*sensei appears*
Me: oh no
Sensei: He was a good student, but he lacked kizma.
Boss: What's kiz...
Sensei:😈
Me: Oh no, here we go.
Sensei: Kizma AS-
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? -- "Curses! Foil again!"
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.