Whats jokes
What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.
What's the difference between a skeleton and a baby? I don't set the skeleton on fire.
What do you call it when a Mexican and a pedophile fight each other?
Alien vs. Predator.
What did the cow say to the sheep?
“Moo!”
What did the sheep say to the cow?
“That was a bad joke!”
What type of bee makes milk?
A boobee.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"
One day a cow ate a fish.
What came out the other side?
A dead fish.
What did the squirrel say to the dog?
"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"
What do you call an orphan taking a family photo?
A selfie.
What number is better; 46 or 47?
I don't know, ask the kid with Down syndrome.
What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"
What was blue and black and doesn't like to have sex... The little girl in my trunk.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
When I'm bored, I like to slap orphans. I mean, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?
You got a black cat.
He was bad luck.
Everyone left you and you committed suicide.
What a CATastrophe!
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only takes one nail to hang a picture frame.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
What do you call a Black person flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist!
Dave got a new job at the suicide hotline.
The manager shows him to his desk and Dave has a seat.
The manager says, "Remember! Your job is to make sure that the person at the other end of the line does not kill himself, no matter what! That's the one thing you have to do!"
Dave says "No problem! I will do exactly what you just told me!" and the manager leaves him to his job.
A few minutes, later Dave's phone rings.
"Hello?" Dave answers. No response for a few seconds, then a voice appears.
"My wife cheated on me," a man says. The man on the other end of the line is clearly depressed.
"I'm sorry to hear that," Dave says.
"I found out that she's been doing it for months; she says I don't treat her well enough. She's filing for divorce and threatening to take the kids from me. I don't know what to do. I just took up drinking and gambling, the pain goes away at first but it always comes back. I don't think I can even afford to see a psychiatrist; money is tight as it always is. I wish I could manage my finances better... I just don't see any way out. I think the only thing I can do that makes sense is to just kill myself."
Dave pauses for a moment, thinks, and then he asks:
"Wouldn't it make more sense to kill her?"
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.