Whats jokes

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite food?

His shoulder.

Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."

Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."

Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."

Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

What do you call it when Batman skips church?

Christian Bale.

What's the difference between a white kid and a computer?

The child has no trouble shooting.

What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.

What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.

What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?

Incest.

What kind of file turns a 1.5 cm hole into a 4.5 cm hole?

A pedophile.

I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"

What did the Nazi order from Wendy's?

Two number NEINs.

What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?

...A girl scout that got hit by a car.

Rape jokes are so incredibly offensive to stupid women like me who don’t understand what comedy is.

What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.

What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

Snow balls.

What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.

What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?

"Deja moo!"

What do you call a friendly noise? A sound wave.

What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.

What was the last thing that went through Aiden's head before he died?

His elbow.

What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?

The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!