Whats jokes
What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, and Michael Jackson likes little boys.
What commitment does a pimp make to each new hoe he turns out?
Answer: He will always be there for her after the break-in period.
What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common?
They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.
What do you do to a deaf girl after you’re done fucking her?
Break her fingers so she can’t tell anyone.
What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?
Panera Ned.
I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!
Sleep paralysis for the first time and this is what I see except it's face and body is way more stringy and hollow.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.
What is white and 9 inches?
Nothing.
What did the dog say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? "Hey, mitosis!"
What is a skeleton’s favorite singer?
Pelvis Presley.
What do you call Stephen Hawking when he eats too much?
As fat as Ben Dingley.
What do gum and guns have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
What’s the hardest part about being friends with a turtle?
Getting them to come out of their shell.
What do [you] call Tyler Brown?
A spaz.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
What is a threesome with 3 guys?
Gay sex and a witness.
What was one cool thing about Hitler?
He used to paint his thoughts on the wall with a gun.
What did the blind man say as he passed the fish stand?
"Hello Ladies!"
What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?
A yeast infection.