Whats jokes
What does a peeing pterodactyl sound like?
Nothing, the pee is silent.
What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.
So, I took a poop outside. When I was done, I wiped and got it on my finger. After that, I had Nutella, and I thought the poop on my hand was Nutella, and I licked it. I said, "Daddy chill, what in the heck is this crap?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What did the caveman say while seeing a reptile taking off?
Look at that dino-sour!
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
Q: What will we give to a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid.
What's wrong with airline food...! They're not black, and they're not people. hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahXD!!!!!!!!! You're welcome?
What do you call getting gonorrhea from a disabled person?
A slow clap.
What do you call two lesbians in a closet?
A liquor cabinet.
What's a tower's favorite bagel? I don't know, but it ain't plain.
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
What's the difference between my mum and my dad?
My mum stayed.
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
A shop assistant is helping a little boy find his mum.
"What's she like?" he asked the boy.
"BIG COCKS AND VODKA!" said the boy.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
Why can't an orphan get offended?
What are they gonna do, tell their mom?
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
What's the difference between twin towers and McDonald's?
One had a drive thru and the other had a fly thru.