Whats jokes
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.
Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"
The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."
Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."
What’s the difference between football and rape?
Women don’t like football.
What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!
What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's cunt?
Putting in 12 and sucking out 13.
What do you call a homeless bounty hunter?
Hobo Fett!
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
Q: What does Abraham Lincoln have in common with a poor quality pirated movie?
A: They were both shot in a theater.
What happens when Batman sees Catwoman?
The Dark Knight Rises.
What do you call a Black person going down a waterslide? Sewage.
what do you call an autistic police officer? special forces
What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?
Steamed veggies!
What do you call suicidal Hitler?
Slitler.
What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.
Doctor: You'll be at peace soon, sir.
Me: What? Am I dying?
Doctor: No, your wife is.
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What is the difference between a comedian and a clown?
A comedian leads Ukraine, and a clown leads America.
What do you get when you put 2 nuns and a blond on a football field? 2 tight ends and a wide receiver.