Whats jokes
What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"
What does Santa say about my mom? HO HO HO!
What is the chemical formula for a banana? BaNa2
What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with boobs?
One's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean.
Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
A: If you cannot helium, you have to curium. If you cannot curium, you have to barium!
What do you call a magic owl?
HOOdini
What is a panda's favorite cooking implement?
A pan-duh.
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung.
Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
What do you call a 100-year-old frog?
An old croak!
Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”
What's a pedophile's favorite fast food meal?
In-N-Out of kids.
What did the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?
"Beat it. We're closed."
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.
(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today?
(Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka.
(Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well, I quit!
(Kid) Quit what?
(Bus Driver) Living.
(Kid) But it was a joke!
(Bus Driver) Doesn't matter. I will die, but you will still be alive.
(Kid) Ok.
(Bus Driver) That was a joke, too!
A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.
The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.