Whats jokes
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?
Do you want to hang later?
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
What's in common with Michael Jackson and a phone?
Kids play with both of them.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear?
Thunderwear.
There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"
Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.
Feminists: Correct.
Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?
What's black, white, and red all over?
A nun that fell down the stairs.
What's black, white, and laughing?
The nun that pushed her.
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.
God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.
What's the worst part about hearing a special needs kid getting hit by a car?
Having to listen to the wheelchair scraping for a mile and a half.
What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.
What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?
The feminist is overweight.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.