Whats jokes
What do you say to a fat Asian?
You got more chins than a Chinese phone book.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
What do Evil Knievel and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have skidmarks on their helmets.
Memes
What do emos and the Twin Towers have in common? There were two, but now there are none.
What's worse than ten babies on one tree? One baby on ten trees.
I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A family photo.
What do you call a cute boy with Down syndrome?
Awwtistic.
What's black on top and white on the bottom?
rape.
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers?
The redneck virgin.
What is Beethoven's favorite fruit? Ba na na na.
What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.
What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside of her? They are both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me."
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.