Whats jokes
What's a good way to masturbate?
Get somebody to do it for you.
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
What did the paintings name their daughter?
Palette.
what was Juice WRLD before he was famous?
Answer: alive.
What’s the only long-lasting thing from China?
Covid.
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child?
The washing machine doesn't cry when you put a load in it.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
What do maths and 9/11 have in common?
They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.
What is a gay person’s favorite book?
The dictionary.
What falls to the ground first if an apple and an emo kid fall from a tree?
The apple because the rope caught the emo kid.
What's black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
What's the difference between an iPhone and an orphan?
One has a home.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet?
The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
What type of work can orphans do? Homework.
What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.
What did Trump rename the Presidential plane?
Answer: Hair Force One!
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.