Whats jokes

What did the rope and the tree say to the kid?

Do you want to hang later?

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What's in common with Michael Jackson and a phone?

Kids play with both of them.

What do you call a dead baby?

Spawn killed.

What did the cow and bull do for their first date? - Dinner and a Moovie.

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.

What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

Thunderwear.

What do you call a paralyzed turtle?

Shell shocked.

There was a kid named Buttitches, and his teacher was taking attendance. Then the teacher asked, "What is your name?" And he answered, "Buttitches." Then the teacher asked again, "What's your name?" and he replied, "Buttitches." Then a student yelled out, "JUST SCRATCH YOUR ASS ALREADY!"

Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?

A: The ins and outs of child rearing.

What's black, white, and red all over?

A nun that fell down the stairs.

What's black, white, and laughing?

The nun that pushed her.

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.

God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.

What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.

Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"

Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."

Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"

So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."

What is the most difficult day in the ghetto?

Father's Day.

What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?

The feminist is overweight.

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"

What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."

What do you call a funny cow?

A cowmedian.