Whats jokes
What did the fat guy say to the skinny guy?
Fat guy: Does this look fat on me?
Skinny guy: No, I don’t think it’s that.
Fat guy: Thinking.
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
What do you call a pig at the beach?
Bacon.
Teacher: Alright kids. 50, 49, 48, 47. What comes before 47?
Kid: AK!
Everyone else: 🚪 🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏾♀️🏃🏽🏃🏿🏃🏿🏃🏿♀️ 🎒 🏃🏻
What did the purple grape say to the green grape? "Breathe, you idiot, breathe!"
Get it?
What is the worst thing about licking a bald fanny?
Putting the nappy on afterwards.
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
What do you call a hot tub full of special ed students?
Vegetable Soup.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
What do you get when you cross a penis with a potato?
A dictator.
What did the pilots say before crashing into the Twin Towers?
"We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we go through it!"
A chef named his chicken Richard and named a rooster Ballz. A guy walks up and asks the chef what he's cooking. He replies, "My dick and balls."
What do you call a bunch of bald paki in a swimming pool? Coco pops.
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Apples get picked.
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.
By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.
I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.
During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.
Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.
What is the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your whole day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.
What do you call a group of depressed teenagers?
Suicide Squad.
What do you call an octopus on land?
A spider, duh!
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"