Whats jokes
What's long, black, and sticky?
A stick.
What's green and smells like ham?
Kermit the frog's fingers.
What is the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?
A mosquito stops sucking after you f*cking slap it.
What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile? Alien vs Predator.
Q: What is the best Disney character?
A: Toe Mater.
What type of bees give milk?
Boob-bees.
What do you call a person who tries to get you on a dating website... a Brodie.
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl?
You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.
What did the ball say to the other ball? "You're baller!"
What is a school shooter's favorite animal?
A Desert Eagle.
What do you call a green camel?
My parents left me.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.
What happens when you cross a pig and karate?
A pork chop!
What do you call a cross between a priest and a child?
The cross shoved up the priest’s ass as he ‘downward dogs’ the kid.
What does Stephen Hawking press after he's had a hard day?
F5
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
What’s the hardest part about eating a vegetable in a wheelchair?