What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?
The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.
Whats Jokes
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
What skeleton does Crap-ton of?
A "bone".
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
Little boy: Are you an orphan?
Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?
Little boy: Your parents.
What's the difference between a yandere and a gun?
Nothing.
Flip them off the wrong way and you're dead.
What is a necrophiliac's favorite candy? A Hearsey's Kiss.
What do McDonald's and priests have in common?
They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite drink?
His dribble.
What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"
What's worse than a truck full of dead babies? One alive at the bottom.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.
I’m here to collect my bounty, what’s your bounty? Your pants.
Q: Did you hear about the Twin Towers?
A: No, what happened?
Q: Apparently, the design was fundamentally floored!
What do you call cringe?
You.
What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
Rubber-toe.
What’s red, gold, and blank in Las Vegas?
Tupac