Weird jokes

Good Evening Twitter, this is your boy EatDatPussy445, and about like 30-45 minutes ago, I beat the f*** out of my dick so god damn hard that I can't even feel my left leg, my left leg has went totally numb. And, my dick has also went totally numb, to the point where it feels f***ing weird when I go and take a piss.

What is a kind thing to say to someone and what is a rude thing to say to someone?

Kind thing to say to someone: You are the most perfect you there is. Your outlook on life is amaz- (BLAH, BLAH, BLAH ENOUGH!)

Rudist thing to say too someone: You more uglyer than my mama's boyfriend. You are a son of a b word! Okay that is so much rude and why you can say that to a tree but anyway not the point. Bonus: The world's most weirdest name to say to a girl, is Nutter butter, we know that's a weird *and* stupid name because she is not nutter or butter she is a person not a thing! Oh well bye!!!!

What is the weirdest thing to wear and what is the weirdest thing to say?

Weirdest thing to ware: Socks with sandals, also with flip flops!

Weirdest thing to say: "Would you rather be a bath or a toilet?" "The blue angel sea slug looks like an alien." (weird).

Bonus: Things to ware with other things: Crop top with t-shirt (really hip), Crop top with tights or shorts, dresses with tights! (Cool) Oh well byeeeeeee!

How do you know that your sister is on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes weird.

Why is Lucas so weird? I don't know, you tell me.

Hi guys, the prankster is back!

I was gone for a long time because of this bullying about a nice sweet girl named Gwen! So my 6th prank is on...

When I put some bad stuff in my sister's toothpaste bottle!

Okay, so I took some smelly mints from the jelly bean game! I had molded cheese jelly bean, molded milk, and worms jelly bean! Jelly bean tasting is this game where weird tasted jelly beans are in there, so I got some mints and put it there! Then next thing you knew was, my sassy ass sister had her breath smelling like a chimpanzee's buttock!

My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.

It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.

The pie tasted weird today.

Then I realized that my mother likes cooking pie with human flesh from C town.

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

Anyone on this app is homeless and has no point in life. Well, I'm on this app 24/7, so do I have no point in life 24/7, or am I just weird and unwanted?

What do you call a hamburger that can talk and walk?

Funny weird walkie hamburger and talkie cute hamburger. Lol.

Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)

Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.

One time Uma Thurman was Poison Ivy; she was weird in that, except for her punny jokes.

How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.

Police officers hope you’re a criminal.

Doctors hope you get sick.

Mechanics hope you get car troubles.

But only thieves wish you prosperity.

Weird?

You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.

"My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."

The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

This shit is weird (as baby girl pees).

Dad: “Trust me, shitting is weirder.”

My sister is the weird dark one and emo of the family. I'm the bright happy one. Once in 3rd grade, I got a huge A on mine, and my sis got a D-.

In the playground near a tree, we were sitting and playing. I said, "Hey, a C- is not that bad," and raised my hand up to give her a high five, but she left me hanging.