My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
It's a little known fact that Helen Keller was against teaching deaf people sign language and thought they should be forced to use oral language.
Weird.
Last time I forced somebody into oral, I got arrested.
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.
Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(
I told my fam a joke.
They all looked at me weird and one person even said, "I’m sorry!"
On Paxomedy channel, I made a video of a Rooster and a dog fighting.
I needed to know why they were fighting. Once I dug down into the issue, it turned out that the Dog called the Rooster a Cock, and the Rooster laughed and called the Dog a useless Bitch, and that was the beginning of their fight, and weird enough, the Cock won!
I went to congratulate the winner, but he thought he was insulting me by calling me Zinjathropus, but I said that was a compliment because Zinja was an old skeleton found in Africa, and I am African. I said to the Rooster he shouldn't have fought with the dog just because he called him a Cock. He said that being called a Cock is a compliment, and the fighting was his exercise to toughen up for serious fights with Dogs!
We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?
“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
I was watching The Perfect Murder with my boyfriend. It was a good movie, but the weird thing was that my boyfriend was taking notes throughout the whole movie.
You know you have weird Indian parents when you can hear them canilingus each other.
Big, ugly, and very weird.
Every culture has weird food.
Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.
My Asian girlfriend has a weird name. As I gave her anal, she was yelling "I'm too young."
I had sex with my German girlfriend; it was kinda weird though. She kept yelling her age. I don't know why.
My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.
It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.
Blossom: Why are we dating the Rowdyruffs when we're technically siblings?
Bubbles:...
Buttercup: I don't know, but those people over there are lookin' at us weird.
Alabama: 😈
Dislike this if you think orphans are weird.
Like this if you think orphans are cool!
Here is a story, my best friend was Chinese, his name was Chong-king. I took him to a restaurant one day and he said, "I am Chong-king." I said I know your name is Chong-king, within a few minutes he just randomly died making weird noises and turning blue by every second.
Anyone know what happened?
Joe Mama so weird, she cut her hair in a squiggly diggly haircut.
Yo momma so ugly when she the and ugly weird the and she ugly!
