My wife wanted a present that could go from zero to 80 very quickly.
So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
Weight Jokes
Your mamma's so fat, the aliens call her their mother ship!
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness.
Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!”
What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.
You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
What do you call an overweight psychic?
A four chin teller.
Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.
Yo mama so fat, she takes up all the space.
Q: How much does a skeleton weigh?
A: A skele-TON.
I have 2000 pounds of one-ton soup.
Why do Indian men marry fat women?
Levi and Andrew are fat.
My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?
Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.
What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?
The feminist is overweight.
Why is the penis so light?
Because even thots can lift them.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, a Zippo is a little lighter.
I'm looking for women. Put your height, weight, and bra size in the comments.
