Weight Jokes

Brother 2: We have these weird circles on the street! Government is tracking us!!!

Brother 1: They are just to sense cars so they can change lights. And it's the government.

Brother 2: Then why are there two in the left turn lane?

Brother 1: So one car isn't always going left and stopping the others.

Brother 2: Then why are they one car apart? Oh, to have three people going.

Brother 1: Correct. When I see one car on the first, I go on the second so my light changes.

Brother 2: You monster.

Brother 1: I wonder if they trigger by weight?

Brother 2: HA. Yo mama would trigger the sensor.

Brother 1: ARG. It's OUR MAMA you're disrespecting.

Mother (brother 1): What's going on boys? *looks in mirror* HOLY SH@& SHE IS PRETTY!

Brother 2: I think you should take your pills.

Brother 1: Found them.

*imaginary mother and brother fade away*

Thank you ELECTROBOOM for inspiring this joke/sh!t. Go subb to him.

Btw the (1) means it is just imaginary brother one acting like another brother.

Name an ant which is very heavy?

Eleph-ant.

Yo mama is so fat, I took a picture of her last year, and it is still printing.

Yo mama so fat that she broke your computer!

lol

Yo Mama so fat that when she took a photo of herself to get it printed out, it took 15 years to finish!

Yo mama so fat she broke the stairway to heaven...

Yo mama so fat, she broke the stairs to heaven.

Bill gets home from work late again, and Susan is angry. She hollers at Bill, "I AM FURIOUS. When I go outside tomorrow, there better be something that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds!" Bill says, "Ok." The next morning there is a box outside! Susan opens it. It's a scale! Bill hasn't been seen since October 2, 2002.

Your momma is so fat, she can't even go skinny dipping.

Your mom is so fat that she mains Heavy from the game Team Fortress 2!

What’s another name for a cow?

You... cause you're fat.

How much did the liver weigh?

It weighed a skeleTON.

Your mom is so fat that she broke your crush!

Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.

Because all I do is pound it, man, I would put you on my 600 lb life if you didn't weigh a thousand.

Yo mama so fat, she stand on the scale and the scale says: "I want your weight, not your phone number!"

Yo mama so fat, Trump used her like a wall.

Your momma is so skinny, she hula hoops with a Cheerio!

Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."

Your mom's so fat, when she sat on Walmart, she lowered the prices!