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Week

Week jokes

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."

The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"

The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."

If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.

I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.

When you accidentally wipe a little too hard and your finger goes up your bumhole, triggering flashbacks of when you were 10 and your uncle stayed a few weeks. 😂

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    • So, me and my girlfriend that I just got 7 weeks ago, we’re in class. We had this sub named Mrs. Bellatrix.

    We both raised our hands and she called on both of us.

    Me: First of all, are we in kindergarten? We can’t be doing 4x4 kinda stuff.

    Leah: And also, are you from Harry Potter?

    Friend 1: Did you?

    Depressed friend 2: I didn't!

    Friend one: Swear on your life!

    Depressed friend 2: I swear.

    A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.

    I went home to my girlfriend with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"

    Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"

    Why can't an orphan live peacefully?

    Technoblade: As a ghost, he could locate all orphans within 2 weeks.

    Or is she asking her son, "Do you know Newton?"

    The boy said, "No, I don't know."

    She said to him, "If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!"

    The boy said, "Ok, do you know Ikhlod?"

    She said to him, "No, who is she?"

    He said to her, "If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her."

    The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.

    Did you just come from a bakery? Because you’ve got the hottest pair of buns I’ve seen all week.

    They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.

    It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.

    I'm black, and I have a dying family in my basement that hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. They need help.

    Btw, it's a joke lol.

    You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!

    Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?

    Doctor: Ten.

    Man: Weeks? Months? Days?

    Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...

    I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.

    Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.