You should wear binoculars when calculating. It helps divide.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Snow caps!
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
Women be like I don't wear makeup for men.
Then get mad when a man doesn't compliment her in her makeup!
Me people call me emo.
Older cousin: Why?
Because I always have my hood up and wear black cloths and wear black cross earrings.
Why doesn't the witch wear panties?
To get a better grip on her broom stick!
What's the worst part about getting old?
Going to pull up the wrinkles in your socks, just to find out you're not wearing socks!
As you can see here, Jessie is wearing a lot of concealer.
Jessie?
Orphan: Help, I'm lost.
Someone: Wears your parents.
Orphan: >:(
Your forehead is so big you have to wear a hoodie for the Rock to see your ego because your forehead is so big.
Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.
Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.
Husband: The second we entered the beach,
Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"
Your hairline goes so far back you have to wear sunscreen.
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
When you wear a big hat and your butt starts to splat diarrhea!
My friend is an emo. I asked why he wears black. He said, "Black like my soul." I just walked away.
We forge the chains we wear in life.
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
