Wear jokes
You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.
You know why women wear tampons?
So the crabs could bungee jump!
Why do emo kids wear hoodies?
They hang easier.
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
What do bananas wear into battle?
Banana-rama!
What do lemons 🍋 wear in the rain?
Yellow jackets.
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
Little Jimmy was in the shower singing "Dame Tu Cosita," and her mom heard it and went to the shower, and Jimmy's mom saw Jimmy wearing a bathing suit in the shower, and Jimmy yells "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!"
What type of shirt do kangaroos wear? Jumpsuits.
Why do men sag their pants so low and still wear a belt?
The same reason women bring their purse on a date and don't pay.
Why does Trump "not" wear glasses? Because he's got 20/20 vision!
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders all over the windshield.
What is orange and will soon be wearing prison orange? Trump.
What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.
What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?
Memorial Day.
Why?
Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
Why do women wear makeup and perfume?
Because they're ugly and smell bad.
POV: You are a passenger on September 11th, 2001, and you see the pilots wearing a Muslim turban.
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:
Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.