Weapon jokes
If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
What do you call a terrorist in a bathtub?
Bathbomb.
What do you call a terrorist swimming?
A bath bomb!
What is white, then red, and is very fast?
My chainsaw blade.
Memes
What do you call a retard with AK special forces?
What does a baby and a grenade have in common?
They both make a noise when you throw them.
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
Please don't get mad, it's a joke.
What's the difference between a bullet and a police officer? At least when a bullet kills someone, it's fired.
Are you a gun because I want to live with you?
What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."
If Will Smith had a revolver and said, "Who fucked my wife?" Chris Rock would say, "You don't have enough bullets, mate."
Are you a knife?
Because I want to deep throat you.
I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.
What do you call a paralyzed kid with a gun?
Special Forces.
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
Why do I carry pepper spray?
Just in case of as-SAULT.
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.
One day I was passing a blind man and I gave him a gun and told him it was a blow dryer.
Next day I went for another walk and saw his grave.