Weapon jokes
What do you do when you run out of carpets? Fetch your shotgun and look for Explain Bear.
Chuck Norris once stabbed the Terminator with Bruce Lee.
What's a crazy man's favorite phrase when he has a knife?
"Freak out!"
What is Jesus' favorite gun?
A nail gun.
There were three Indians that got kicked out of the tribe.
One said, "Me find food," and he came back with a decent size rabbit. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see rabbit, me shoot rabbit, and rabbit fall down dead."
The 2nd Indian, "Me find food." He came back with a good sized deer. The other two asked him what happened. He said, "Me see deer, me shoot deer, deer fall down dead."
The third Indian said, "Me find food." He came back crawling, missing a leg and an arm, and he was all cut up. The others asked what happened. He said, "Me see train, me shoot train, train no stop!"
Americans live in the U.S.A. The quiet kids live in the U.Z.I.
"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost a water gun fight.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
What do you call a group of special ed kids with guns? Special forces.
Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.
What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?
They both make terrible hunters.
What did a gay Indian use as weapons of war?
A rain-bow.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."
Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."
*Operator hears a distant gunshot*
Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
What do you call a Russian rifle that went 1 rank down?
An AK-46.
Goes to school with blue suppressed pistol. #1 Victory Royale!
What’s a nun's weapon of choice?
Nun-chucks.
"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"
If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”