Weapon jokes
What does it take to paint a wall red?
Kurt Cobain and his shotgun.
Americans live in the U.S.A. The quiet kids live in the U.Z.I.
"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost a water gun fight.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
What do you call a group of special ed kids with guns? Special forces.
Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.
What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?
When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.
What do Jim Kelly and Dick Cheney have in common?
They both make terrible hunters.
What did a gay Indian use as weapons of war?
A rain-bow.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."
Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."
*Operator hears a distant gunshot*
Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
Goes to school with blue suppressed pistol. #1 Victory Royale!
What’s a nun's weapon of choice?
Nun-chucks.
When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.
"Namaste, 6 feet away, or I'll blow you away with this AK!"
If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”
Sometimes I just want to toss a flash bang into a room full of epileptic kids.
My gun is like my house, used to be full, now it's empty.
So, a man walks past a gun store and sees all the guns are half price. Then the man says, "Wow, school supplies are low this week."