*Titanic was sinking.*
Passenger: Hey, captain, how far away are we?
Captain: Two miles.
Passenger: Which way are we going?
Captain: Down.
This morning, I was having a conversation with my ex-boyfriend about reincarnation. I said to him, "If you could come back in the next life as anything, what would you come back as?" He thought about it for a minute and says, "A tree. That way, everybody can look at me and admire me."
Then he says the same thing to me. I started thinking about it when these two sexy, half-naked studs walked by. One was a jock, the other on his bicycle. I know I said I want to come back as a jockstrap or a bicycle seat, but knowing my luck, I'll come back as a tampon.
Ur forehead and hairline are like friends they go way back
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
There is no way you can fit in there.
Says who?
Your mom.
When?
Last night.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Q: What's the best way to carve wood?
A: Whittle by whittle.
Yo mama is so fat your dad could never get away.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that Keagan's FIFA team should be this terrible, also the problem is that Keagan is a Real Madrid fan.
Okay, so I know this is not a joke, but I wanted to take some time to say if you have autism, you are still amazing. You are lovely in every way, and if people bully you, don't listen because they are wrong. You are cute, and I know how it feels. I have ADHD, and I get bullied a lot, but I don't let that get to me because I know what they are saying is wrong and not true. People with autism, stay strong; you got this. I will be your friend by heart, even if it's not in person.
Why is an orpan favourite movie 🍿 spider man no way home
Why can orphans never walk home? because theres no way to go
Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?
A: Either way they'll kill your dog.
Imagine the only way you can get laid is if you force it. 😂 Loser!
What's bigger than the Milky Way?
Michael Jackson's nose.
What is the fastest way to spread a rumor?
Telephone? No.
Television? No.
How then? Tell a woman!
I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.
If you know, you know. 😏😏
A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.
A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"
She says, "I'm going to jump!"
The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"
The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"
The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
