Want jokes

"What do you want to eat?"

"You choose."

"Children."

"What?"

*Picks up pot*

"You said anything!"

Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?

They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.

Are you a toaster, because I want to have a bath with you.

What did one candle say to the other?

"Want to go out tonight?"

My first time sex was like buying my first used, crappy car.

I didn't want it, but Dad gave it to me anyway.

Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)

I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.

Husband: Honey, do you want sex?

Wife: No, thanks, I have a headache.

Husband: Is that your final answer?

Wife: Mmmmm.

Husband: Are you sure?

Wife: Yes.

Husband: No doubts?

Wife: No.

Husband staring a long time at his wife.

Husband: Okay, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend.

I just gotta come out and say it: I like miners, and I don’t care what y’all think. I mean the fact that they are risking their lives just to make ours a little easier is amazing. I’ve always wanted to marry one, to be honest. Y’all need to give more respect to the mining ⛏ community.

Why do leftists call their child Ariel?

So they can decide whether it wants to be a man, woman, mermaid, or washing powder.

My teacher gave us an assignment, and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

I answered, "Happy."

The teacher said I didn't understand the test. I said to her that she didn't understand life.

There was a kid at school. He was reading a book and he came across a phrase. It was "purple pation." He went to his teacher and asked what it meant. His teacher said, "What the actual hell? Get the hell out of my class and go to the principal's office!" The principal said, "It's okay, it was probably a mistake. I will clean this all up. In the meantime, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." His principal stares at him for about 3 seconds, then says, "Get the hell out of my school. You are expelled!" He ran 7 miles to his dad's office crying all the way. He went to his dad and explained how his teacher kicked him out of the class and the principal expelled him. His dad said, "Calm down, I will clean this all up," and he said, "That's what the principal said. He said, 'I will clean it up'." He said, "OK, the phrase is 'purple pation'." His dad said, "I hate you, get out of my office. I don't want to see you again." He ran down crying to his house. He explained what happened. His mom said the same thing as everyone else, so he explains the phrase. His mom kicks him out of the house, and he ran down to the park crying. An old lady said, "What's wrong?" He explained what's happening. Then she says, "Well, what's the phrase?" He says, "Purple pation." The old lady said, "See that house across the street? That's my house. Come over in about 30 min and I will explain." He says, "Thank you." It was the longest 30 min of his life. He sprints across the street and gets hit by a bus.

Sorry guys ;)

When you want to see and smell your ex for the last time, look at a ugly dog, and smell the garbage.

Want to know why some astronomers are gay?

It’s because they want to be in Uranus.

Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.

Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?

Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.

Man: Shit!

I either want to hang, stab, or shoot myself. I'm dying to choose.

Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?

They didn't because they ate it.

I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized it was a waste of time!

Why do men give cold women their jackets?

No man wants a blowjob from a woman with chattering teeth.

What's the definition of a bastard?

Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!