Want jokes
Herpes? No, I don't want her. Her pees.
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
"I can lose 10 ugly pounds anytime I want -- I'll just cut off my head!"
Do you use humor to make light of your emotional eating and your weight? Make jokes about overeating and being fat as a way of getting along with other people? I was a Grand Champion at it.
What do you call a deaf person?
Whatever you want!
I know what I want to be for Halloween! A pumpkin! I'm very good at carving into myself, after all.
The UK is a joke. I want to leave ASAP.
Once there were three girls taking a walk in the mountains. One was a brunette, one was a redhead, and the other was a dumb blonde. They came to a cliff and the brunette said, "If you jump off that cliff and say what you want to be you will become it." So the brunette jumped off and said "falcon" and became a falcon. The redhead jumped off and said "eagle" and became an eagle. The dumb blonde ran, was about to jump, but tripped on a rock, and said "crap."
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
"I want to kill my family."
-realizes-
Why don't orphans play GTA?
Because they're sad they don't get wanted!
My teacher said, "I'm gonna leave soon, I don't want to be here anymore!" So I shot her.
Why did the chicken cross the road to Popeyes Chicken?
It wanted to pop some chicken eyes...
You're adopted, do you want to know why? Because you're so ugly.
Yo mama's so fat, Darth Vader wanted her to be the Death Star!
Want to know what I do in my freetime?
Punch an orphan, cuz what are they going to do, tell their mom?
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like all the passengers on the plane he was flying.
Why did the priest want to learn how to play the organ?
He wanted to be able to finger A minor.
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
Why do orphans become criminals?
To know what it’s like to be wanted.
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to the top of your ego then jump to your IQ.