Walmart jokes

In Israel, they don't have Walmarts; they only have Targets.

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.

Doin your mom doin doin your mom

You know we straight with doin your mom

I'm doin your mom. Yes yours!

I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin out your drawers.

Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen

But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans.

I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?

She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.

Five minutes later she agreed to get with me

So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.

I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart.

I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn't start.

She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.

How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!

Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it.

She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it.

Cause she knows how I like it, and that I'm a little young

To be in the bed, butt-naked doin your mom.

Doin your mom doin doin your mom

You know we straight with doin your mom

I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie.

You other brothers can't deny that she's fly.

We make sexy time, yes and every night I tap that.

She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half black.

But your moms the best, the super M.I.L.F.

Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain't a chef

And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol

But If I were you, I wouldn't kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez.

Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed.

She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I'll be honest

She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.

She's so therapeutic. When I need to cure my restlessness

I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your moms breastestess.

I didn't wanna tell you, but I had to write this song

Cause I'm in your house every night doin your mo-om.

Doin your mom doin doin your mom

You know we straight with doin your mom

I'm havin' sex with your mother

That makes me better than you.

I'm havin' sex with your mother

That makes me better than you.

There are more genders than there are cars in a Walmart parking lot.

Five little monkeys jumping on a bed.

One fell off and bumped his head. Mamma called Walmart, and Walmart said,

"We will give you a replacement!"

Bird on the beach: seagull.

Bird by the bay: bagel.

Bird down south Philly Walmart parking lot: illegal.

Police seek clues to explain Walmart.

So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.

I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.

Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?

He heard that little boy's pants were half off.

I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨

Your mum is so fat she sat on Walmart and lowered the prices.

You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.

If I went to Walmart, I would be able to scan my own wrists because they're barcodes too.

Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?

Alfred: Why?

Me: because I'm worthless... =)

Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.

Why did Michael Jackson rush to Walmart?

He heard boys' pants were half off!